Archive for the ‘if comp 12’ Category

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IF Comp ’12 – Ethan Rupp’s Fish Bowl!

October 27, 2012

Ethan Rupp’s Fish Bowl sounds like, oh, what kind of bar does it sound like?  I see vinyl booths, pink neon, laminated menus boasting inscrutably-named cocktails with which business casuals drink away the daily indignities of their lives.  I may have to do some heavy drinking myself, given that this is a horror game and I’m playing it alone, at nearly 4 AM, like an idiot.  Maybe the apple cider in the fridge has fermented by now?  Nope, seems fine.  How ’bout you, coconut milk?  No?  Well, dammit.  I don’t even have any nutmeg.  I have, let’s see, salt, pepper, cinnamon, cumin, rice vinegar, sesame seed and peanut oils, fresh basil, and South African smoke spice, which is delicious on cucumber sandwiches.  I wish I had a cucumber sandwich.  I have one tortilla and no vegetables of any kind.  I am the worst foodie ever.

Yes, dammit, I’m hungry.  I am going to quick make some onigiri or this review will be even more about food than it’s already going to be.

[spoilers begin om nom nom]

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IF Comp ’12 – Porpentine’s howling dogs!

October 12, 2012

mysterious game…hyperlink powered, yes, but what ethos does it promote? a death ethos? my god…or perhaps it is for those interested in visions, gender, peradventure, the hyphen between dream-notdream, fascination?

I’m not going to lie, it’s like this blurb was written specifically to make me not want to play this game.  I say this more as an acknowledgement of my own failure of depth than an indictment of the game and its blurb.  Know what kind of blurb would make me want to play a game?

You are on the moon and it is awesome and there are robots and then you get to eat cake.

Huh.  In other news, Dinner Bell now takes place on the moon.  Anyway, I’m going to play howling dogs, because I hear the author’s last game had sex in it, and I like sex.  And cake.  Sometimes I like to have sex while eating cake and you can’t stop me because I am a grownup.  I sure do wish I had a robot.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’12 – Robert DeFord’s The Sealed Room!

October 9, 2012

The name Robert DeFord makes me feel like I am a failure at raising chickens.  Let’s see if we can hatch any new associations with it.  Oh ho ho I made a chicken joke!  Hey, which one of these games do you think he wrote first?  Get it?  Which came first?

I am on fucking fire tonight.  If I were a chicken, I would be fully cooked and delicious by now.  Wait.  I just made myself hungry by imagining that I was a delicious chicken.  That’s kind of messed up.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’12 – Jim Redacted’s The Test is Now READY!

October 9, 2012

Searches What Brought You Here Fun Time!

naked manpissy
put this sentence “you have to figure it out yourself” into one word
kitten in a party hat
drivefs ed pacin car to play
conine alkaloid
peanuts grammar
stool eating & pissying
handkerchief on park bench
banjo hell
naked unicyclist
something interesting

That was fun; now what should we play?  Let’s read blurbs.

A train hurtles towards your son – or five strangers.
Five strangers are hurtling towards my son?  I guess that is what they mean by “stranger danger.”  Hey, are you sure you don’t mean the sun?  That’s usually what things hurtle towards, in my experience.

Later in the same blurb:
You’re kidnapped and forced to save an innocent life.
OH POOR ME

Okay, I guess I have to play this game, if I’m going to make fun of its blurb.  I’m scared, though.  There are zombies and potentially dead kids in it.  I am not a super fan of zombies and potentially dead kids.

[scary spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’12 – Emily Forand’s Valkyrie!

October 9, 2012

This game was authored by the guild, Valkyrie, three students enrolled in a Game-based Learning Developmental English course this Fall semester at Pikes Peak Community College in Colorado Springs, CO.
But what is it about?  Let us find out together, you and I!

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’12 – Jim Munroe’s Guilded Youth!

October 9, 2012

This year I am dispensing with the “save the stuff you want to play for last” policy, because it is stupid.  I like Jim Munroe.  I like adventurers.  I like the 1990s.  I am going to play this game.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’12 – Scott Hammack’s Murphy’s Law!

October 9, 2012

Matt Weiner tells me to play this one, and I have not gotten this far in life by failing to do everything Matt Weiner tells me to do.  I got here on a bus.

[spoilers begin here]

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